A Cautionary Tale - Guest Blog by Anonymous Dad

My twenty year marriage ended after a year and a half of divorce proceedings and a two day trial in July 2012. I tried to meet her halfway at every step of the way, but she was unwilling. During the process of the divorce, and still today, I have been harassed, threatened, coerced, intimidated and bullied by every means possible, legal and illegal, ethical and not. She has used the workers at the Department of Children and Families to harass me. She has dragged me to court on make believe allegations of child abuse and worse. She has set out to make my children hate me, and more or less succeeded with my oldest. The x wife's lawyer orchestrated the whole thing.

Although I tried, I was never able to get any help from the judge, my attorney, or the court staff to make the bombardment stop. In the end, at the end of the day, at the final hearing, I was awarded shared parental responsibility with 50/50 timesharing of my children. I spent over $150,000 but I still have my kids. I cannot say that this was money well spent. It was money wasted, but I don't regret it. I would do it again to ensure that my children remain part of my life. I will say, however, that I would much rather have spent the same money on my children, than paid it to my attorney.

I’m a warrior. My concern is that a person who does not have the fight in them would have lost their children. This happens every day in America, and I, for one, want to see it stop. If I broke then she would have gotten my kids. If I ran out of money, she would have gotten my kids.

My x told my kids that their dad is a rapist, angry, abusive, a wife beater, and a dangerous driver. All lies. I take my kids to therapy to learn how to deal with what they are hearing from their mom about me. Throughout the divorce proceedings the x's lawyer continued to try and get in front of the judge to stir trouble for profit.

In March we participated in mediation at my lawyer’s office. We agreed on financial arrangements after hours of negotiations. For some reason, my lawyer agreed that my x wife’s lawyer would write up the agreement. The marital settlement agreement took three months to prepare and was finally provided to my lawyer, at 9 pm the night before trial, on a Sunday.

When the paperwork actually made it to my lawyer, it was totally wrong and severely slanted towards the x wife. It was nothing we agreed upon and cost me $37,000 more than our initial agreement.

Also and most importantly about the financial "distribution" is that my x wife’s lawyer instructed her client to take $47,000 dollars out of investment accounts immediately after the mediation. There was no signed agreement so they stole the money in order to pay my x wife's lawyer bills and keep the case going.

This also ultimately made it possible to hire their social investigator. The money they took kept the case going since my ex-wife was out of money before the “theft”. Where are the ethics involved in this?

Unfortunately although I told my lawyer I saw what was happening and I wanted to stop the $47,000 transaction, my lawyer said to let it go. I took her advice. She went on further to say in writing that “maybe the feeling of having money will be good for them and they will stop and negotiate now.” I’m sorry I didn’t go with my instincts and not listen to my lawyer and stop the transaction.

Also, my ex-wife’s lawyer put in a motion for financial relief for the two parties. After going back and forth as to what assets we would equally disperse, they ultimately said in writing that we do not agree to do an equal portion. “The ex-wife is allowed to withdraw money while husband can’t have anything?” So, nothing ended up being withdrawn. My lawyer was stunned.

It was more stalling to keep billing while negotiating financials. It was an obvious attempt of my ex-wife’s lawyer to run up a bill.

In court the kid’s therapist said that my x was never interested in the well-being of the kids. The therapist went on to say that my x only wanted to use her [the therapist] for litigation.

The judge is not happy with my x. Or with me. Even though the judge doesn't believe her tales, the judge, I guess, would rather not hear anything at all from either of us

I am $150,000 poorer but have my kids 50/50. I write this for the poor man or woman who lost his or her kids due to everything I have described.

What about those people who are not educated, don’t have money, can be broken down by professionals who design a system to win?

Is there anyone out there who can help?