In theory there is no
longer a social stigma for having children out outside of marriage.
However, unwed fathers suffer more legal punishments than they could
have ever imagined. If an unmarried couple with children breaks up,
the father is often left out in the cold. Besides the general
heartbreak of a relationship gone bad, the father is almost always
separated from his children. And then, typically, the mother makes
all of the parenting decisions by herself. If the mother truly has
the best interests of the children in mind, she will allow the father
to spend as much time as possible with the children so that the
children are not needlessly traumatized by the separation.
It is a fact of modern
life that sometimes relationships don't last, and quite often
children are raised by a single parent. With the parents and extended
family all working together to do the right thing for the children --
children adjust.
Unfortunately, even
despite good intentions, people do the wrong things. After a break up
there is almost always hurt feelings between the couple, and they may
forget their first priority is caring for their children. I hate to
say, but it is often the mother who will keep the children from the
father for capricious reasons. I also hate to say that the fathers
may resent the break up and make only minimal efforts to stay in
touch with their children.
After the break up things
may go along this way with no court intervention and little
constructive guidance. The mother may grow resentful at the expense
of raising children without the father's financial support, and
disallow visits unless he pays. The father often feels that the money
that he gives the mother for child support is not being spent on the
children anyway, so why bother?
Out of frustration or
disdain the mother may seek financial help from the government. She
might apply for medicaid for the children; food stamps; and cash
assistance. During the application process the mother must disclose
the identity of the father. Since there is no court order for child
support the government will set about putting a court order in place.
The government entity in Florida which is designated to collect and
enforce child support is the Florida Department of Revenue (DOR).
There is a court hearing
of sorts -- sometimes. Some fathers only receive a notice in the mail
and never have a say at all. When there is a DOR Administrative
hearing it is in front of a General Magistrate who is appointed to
hear uncontested family law matters. A General Magistrate is an
attorney appointed by the Chief Judge, and has not been elected.
Since it is the business of the General Magistrate to hear only
uncontested family law matters, no argument is allowed. If the father
brings up the fact that the mother is not allowing him to see his
children at all, the General Magistrate does nothing. This hearing is
not for the purpose of visitation or timesharing -- only child
support. The father is told to hire an attorney if he wants to see
his children. Now the father is doubly confused and frustrated. He
thought he was coming to court to have a chance to set up visitation,
and finds out that all they want is his money.
The father may contact
attorneys for help. He is again frustrated when he discovers that he
needs to pay a $1500 - $3000 retainer and then they'll see what they
can do. For many, this amount, in addition to the child support
ordered is out of reach, an impossibility. At this point, he may give
up altogether, and hope and pray that he can get along with the
mother well enough that she will allow him to see his kids. Sometimes
this works for a while -- sometimes this arrangement lasts years.
When and if this
arrangement unravels, the father is again left out in the cold. Many
fathers find themselves faithfully paying support and have no contact
whatsoever with their children. The government, the courts, and the
Department of Revenue, specifically do nothing to alleviate the pain.
The children are often deprived of contact with their fathers for no
reason other than the father does not know what he can legally do to
gain access to his children; and the father cannot afford an
attorney. The guidelines for all of the legal aid societies
throughout the state are so narrow that it is nearly impossible for a
father in this situation to get any free or low cost legal
assistance.
Finally out of
desperation the father searches for an answer. Sometimes he has lost
his job, and knows that he may go to jail if he cannot pay his
support. Other times there is a new man in his ex's life and access
to his children has been sharply curtailed. Or the mother has applied
for an increase in child support. After asking everyone he knows, and
multiple internet searches he finds the answer.
The form that is central
to his goal is called: Petition to Determine Paternity and Related
Relief. The name of the form is so confusing and deceiving, he would
never have thought of looking for something with that name. That form
and other family law forms are available as free downloads on the
Florida Supreme Court's website. Once the father has an order from a
judge, naming him as the legal father, he can exercise his paternal
rights. He will no longer be at the will of a capricious
ex-girlfriend. He can see his children and become involved with their
lives without fear that the mother will change her mind at the last
minute, and deny him.
The name of the form is
so counter intuitive that often even when fathers find the form, or
are told of the process skepticism remains. A father may well wonder
why he should petition for paternity when there is no question of his
paternity. He often wonders whether a DNA test is required. He knows
his name is on the birth certificate and he is paying child support
so why would he need to petition for paternity? All good questions,
and we don't know all the answers. We don't know why they named the
form or the process something so obscure. Only if the mother disputes
paternity will a DNA test be needed.
The easiest way to
understand what the form and procedure is all about is: Petition to
Determine Paternity and Related Relief is like a divorce for people
who were never married and had a child together. The outcome is a
court order stating that the father is the legal father. A Parenting
Plan, the schedule of visitation, is usually filed along with these
documents.
