And How are the Children?

Masai warriors are widely known for fearsome rites of passage. Tradition demands that to become a warrior you must kill a lion with nothing more than a spear. These fierce fighters embrace their roles as protectors of the tribe.

The traditional greeting between Masai warriors is: And How Are the Children?
The traditional response is: The Children are Well.

If the children are well, then all is well. Can we say that in America? And how are the children? Are the children being looked after, protected, revered? Are they? I have my doubts.

Adriana spent over two years searching for her baby boy. In June of 2009 Adriana's boyfriend, her baby's daddy, was taking care of the baby while Adriana worked. Before she got home the boyfriend fled taking the baby who knows where. Adriana panicked and called the police, reporting it as a kidnapping. Under the laws of that state, as in Florida, when a child is born of unwed parents, it is the mother who has parental rights, not the father. The father can assert paternal rights only after a court orders that he is the legal father. The police, however, told her – sorry ma'am custody is a civil matter, you have to go to court. It was not and is not a civil matter, it is a crime for a parent to abduct a child.

I spoke with Tod on the phone yesterday. His former wife took their daughter out of the country without his knowledge or consent. They have court ordered shared parental responsibility and they have a Parenting Plan incorporated into their Final Judgment of Dissolution of Marriage. But, the mother took their eleven year old daughter out of the country anyway – all the way to Guam. Tod doesn't think they're coming back. So far law enforcement has refused to enforce the Child Pick Up Order, although it was signed by a Hillsborough County judge.

And another one – Marcus from Texas called me. His son is probably in Jacksonville, Florida; but may be with relatives in Boston. He's not sure. With the help of a private investigator he found a current address for his son's mother. Marcus, an unwed father, needs an Order of Paternity before he can hope to get child custody or visitation. He pays his child support though, every week it comes straight out of his check. Marcus will go to jail if he doesn't pay his support. For the past five years, not a single thing has happened to his ex for keeping Marcus' son from him.

And yet another. Joe pays child support for a son he has never seen. Joe discovered he was a dad months after his girlfriend left him. He dutifully sent in the DNA test which he paid for himself. An Order for Child Support went into effect. Joe learned the hard way that child support and visitation are separate. At the court hearing when Joe was ordered to pay child support, the Magistrate refused to listen to anything pertaining to custody or visitation. And so it goes.

And how are the children? You tell me. In a state, in a country, where as a matter of public policy we claim that it is in a child's best interest to have access to both parents – why is it so hard? Neither Adriana, Tod, Marcus, or Joe has been found by a court, or anyone else to be unfit parents. There are not even any allegations of unfitness against any of these parents. So why is it so hard? Why is it so hard for a supposedly civilized society to take care of the children? Are the children well? Nobody knows.