Substantial Change in Child Custody

"Substantial change" relative to child custody is a phrase that we often hear, but do you know what it really means? Apparently it means a lot of things ...

A Single Factor Might Not Constitute "Substantial Change"

In reviewing child custody cases it seems that a combination of several change factors is most likely to constitute a substantial and material change in circumstances. In Ogilvie v Ogilvie, 954 So 2d 698 (1st DCA 2007) the Court held that the parties failure to communicate; or the relocation of one or both of the parties; are factors that are each insufficient, by themselves, to constitute substantial or material change. However, the Court noted that “parental alienation” by itself may be sufficient to prove substantial and material change. Similarly in Morales v Morales, 915 So 2d 247 (5th DCA 2005), the Court found that, an acrimonious relationship alone, between former spouses is not substantial change.

The pertinent part of the Florida Statutes is as follows:
61.13 Support of children; parenting and time-sharing; powers of court.--

• (3) For purposes of establishing or modifying parental responsibility and creating, developing, approving, or modifying a parenting plan, including a time-sharing schedule, which governs each parent's relationship with his or her minor child and the relationship between each parent with regard to his or her minor child, the best interest of the child shall be the primary consideration. Determination of the best interests of the child shall be made by evaluating all of the factors affecting the welfare and interests of the minor child, including, but not limited to:
  

• (a) The demonstrated capacity and disposition of each parent to facilitate and encourage a close and continuing parent-child relationship, to honor the time-sharing schedule, and to be reasonable when changes are required.
  

• (b) The anticipated division of parental responsibilities after the litigation, including the extent to which parental responsibilities will be delegated to third parties.
  

• (c) The demonstrated capacity and disposition of each parent to determine, consider, and act upon the needs of the child as opposed to the needs or desires of the parent.
  

and act upon the needs of the child as opposed to the needs or desires of the parent.

• (d) The length of time the child has lived in a stable, satisfactory environment and the desirability of maintaining continuity.
  

• (e) The geographic viability of the parenting plan, with special attention paid to the needs of school-age children and the amount of time to be spent traveling to effectuate the parenting plan. This factor does not create a presumption for or against relocation of either parent with a child.
  

• (f) The moral fitness of the parents.
  

• (g) The mental and physical health of the parents.
  

• (h) The home, school, and community record of the child.
  

• (i) The reasonable preference of the child, if the court deems the child to be of sufficient intelligence, understanding, and experience to express a preference.
  

• (j) The demonstrated knowledge, capacity, and disposition of each parent to be informed of the circumstances of the minor child, including, but not limited to, the child's friends, teachers, medical care providers, daily activities, and favorite things.
  

• (k) The demonstrated capacity and disposition of each parent to provide a consistent routine for the child, such as discipline, and daily schedules for homework, meals, and bedtime.
  

• (l) The demonstrated capacity of each parent to communicate with and keep the other parent informed of issues and activities regarding the minor child, and the willingness of each parent to adopt a unified front on all major issues when dealing with the child.
  

• (m) Evidence of domestic violence, sexual violence, child abuse, child abandonment, or child neglect, regardless of whether a prior or pending action relating to those issues has been brought.
  

• (n) Evidence that either parent has knowingly provided false information to the court regarding any prior or pending action regarding domestic violence, sexual violence, child abuse, child abandonment, or child neglect.
  

• (o) The particular parenting tasks customarily performed by each parent and the division of parental responsibilities before the institution of litigation and during the pending litigation, including the extent to which parenting responsibilities were undertaken by third parties.
  

• (p) The demonstrated capacity and disposition of each parent to participate and be involved in the child's school and extracurricular activities.
  

• (q) The demonstrated capacity and disposition of each parent to maintain an environment for the child which is free from substance abuse.
  

• (r) The capacity and disposition of each parent to protect the child from the ongoing litigation as demonstrated by not discussing the litigation with the child, not sharing documents or electronic media related to the litigation with the child, and refraining from disparaging comments about the other parent to the child.
  

• (s) The developmental stages and needs of the child and the demonstrated capacity and disposition of each parent to meet the child's developmental needs.
  

• (t) Any other factor that is relevant to the determination of a specific parenting plan, including the time-sharing schedule.
  

Help a Mother Bring Her Baby Home

Donate to here to help Ebony bring Atreiyo home.

Last year, as a document preparer, I did all that I could to help Ms. Ebony Gary reunite with her son, Atreiyo. Here is her story:

There are many mothers whose rights have been stolen, or are currently being violated by the hands of the law without proof and without regards..like mine. I am a single mom of 3 beautiful and wonderful children, unfortunately my baby boy who was just 16 weeks old and premature had been taken from me while at work by the father and grandmother. God help me I have cried begged and pleaded with law enforcement to help me find my son and in return I was told that there was nothing they could do, but yet I have been told that what was done to me was a criminal offense. 

 

Atreiyo

It has been 4 years since I last seen my baby, attorney after attorney, organizations who prey's on the emotions of a mother for profit. Still I have not given up, and the good thing is that through my own investigation, I have found  my son and have filed the necessary documents with the  courts. I attended my first court appearance this past January of 2013 only for a judge to treat me like a criminal or an offender of some kind while granting me 2 hour supervised visits in a malls food court by the very woman who helped in the kidnapping of my infant son, without permission to leave. I ask my self daily if there will ever come a time when justice will prevail, and I still await the answer day by night. This was the first time I had laid eyes on my baby since he was taken and it cut me so deeply because he asked me questions that he would not understand the answers to. By the end of that visit when he found out who I was, he made me promise to come back for him. 

One missing

Unfortunately with depleted funds used in search of him I do not qualify for a attorney that will help bring baby Atreiyo home to his mother who loves him so much, and an awesome brother and sister who miss him dearly. I pray every day for the return of my baby,If my God is willing, and we are granted the help we need. I'm also currently in the process of writing a book called " A Mother's Triumph " which may never make it to the shelves but at least when he is older, he will know that it has always been about him. Atreiyo was named after a little boy in one of my old time favorite movies that some will remember "The Never Ending Story ". Even if we have no success with the help we asking for, It will mean just as much to one day be able to tell my story live, because someone has to; The law failed to protect my rights as a mom, the dad and I were never married which in such case the mother shall hold physical and legal custody in most states across the globe which also happen to fall under my states regulations. They swept my tears and sorrow under their rug, but I will not! someone has to be responsible, someone has to pay. In advance I thank all of you for your support and listening ear.




Sincerely,
Ebony
A Mother's Triumph

How do you measure your life?

“Everything that can be counted does not necessarily count, and everything that counts cannot necessarily be counted.” 

Albert Einstein.

I've been reading the happiness studies. The AARP has one, and so does Harvard. AARP's study says that middle age is the least happy time in your life – happiness is a U-shaped curve which bottoms out during middle age. I suppose the upside is that there is an upside and happiness increases as we age. Good to know. The Harvard study contends that happiness and money are correlated, and that we need around a $75,000. annual income to be happy. I can understand that there is some sort of financial benchmark that can help measure happiness. I believe, however, that it is not so cut and dried. After all, one person is flush with a 75k income, and another is broke. All relative.


Carl Jung said that the more we pursue happiness, the less likely we are to find it. I don't agree with that statement. I think that if you don't pursue a goal, you're unlikely to reach it. So, in my opinion, we're best off, actively pursuing happiness. I agree, though, with Jung's short list of happiness factors:

1. Good physical and mental health.
2. Good personal and intimate relationships, such as those of marriage, the family, and friendships.
3. The faculty for perceiving beauty in art and nature.
4. Reasonable standards of living and satisfactory work.
5. A philosophic or religious point of view capable of coping successfully with the vicissitudes of life.

All of these ring true to me, except for being a bit too general. If our physical and mental health decline as we age, how is it that we are generally happier as we age? The only mention of economic factors relating to happiness is - “Reasonable standards of living”. I think that statement is more true than trying to pin down an actual amount. Income and standard of living are both relative to a community; and subjective as to whether the income and comparison are personally satisfying.

Here are some of my happiness factors:

Freedom from want – picture the Norman Rockwell painting inspired by FDR's speech.
The privilege of being self-directed – I am my own favorite boss.
The opportunity to make a positive contribution to someone's life – the rewards surprise me.
Spending quality time with friends and family – thank you.
Sharing my gratitude – thanks again.

Having outlets for self-expression and creativity – I write, create websites, and in business - make something from nothing -thoughts are things.

Dr. Clayton Christensen, a professor at Harvard Business School recently co-wrote, “How Will You Measure Your Life?”, a book which applies business management theory to our personal lives. The take away value appears to be (and no I haven't read it yet … I'll follow up if anything changes) – first of all, don't measure your happiness by your paycheck. That's what I'm saying too. That's a fool's game – he who dies with the most toys wins – but you're dead so who cares if you have the most toys! To a point, I'm a throwback to the sixties when it was commonplace and perfectly acceptable to measure your life by your intrinsic factors – your inner goals, and spiritual motivations.

According to “Why Seeking More Money Hurts Happiness” an excerpt from the U.S. News Ebook - “How to Live to 100” - “People pursue life goals that reflect different mixes of what social scientists call intrinsic and extrinsic motivations. "The intrinsic factors are about personal growth and self-knowledge, connections and social intimacy with other people, and wanting to help the human community for altruistic reasons," says Kennon Sheldon, professor of psychology at the University of Missouri. Extrinsic goals, he says, are about 'money, luxury, appearance, attractiveness, status, popularity, looks, and power.'"

From all of these theories, I have gleaned some important ideas. One is that relationships matter. We're not happy isolating ourselves from others, or letting our key relationships go untended. We also need a plan to achieve happiness. We know that we need a certain standard of living to be happy. How are we going to get there. And what about satisfactory work?

I'm lucky in the work that I do. It is a calling. I find the creative aspects of building and running my business endlessly intriguing. The personal reward in helping others is extraordinary. I would never have believed this in myself. I'm not a world saver. I am ever grateful that I fell into this business due to a horrible marriage that literally nearly killed me (not my son's dad). When I returned to school after that fiasco, my intention was to attend law school after completing a B.A in Legal Studies. Family circumstances prohibited me from moving; and there is no law school in Daytona. I am now ever grateful that I did not attend law school. I was lucky to fall into this occupation. How do you measure your happiness? Comments welcome.

And How are the Children?

Masai warriors are widely known for fearsome rites of passage. Tradition demands that to become a warrior you must kill a lion with nothing more than a spear. These fierce fighters embrace their roles as protectors of the tribe.

The traditional greeting between Masai warriors is: And How Are the Children?
The traditional response is: The Children are Well.

If the children are well, then all is well. Can we say that in America? And how are the children? Are the children being looked after, protected, revered? Are they? I have my doubts.

Adriana spent over two years searching for her baby boy. In June of 2009 Adriana's boyfriend, her baby's daddy, was taking care of the baby while Adriana worked. Before she got home the boyfriend fled taking the baby who knows where. Adriana panicked and called the police, reporting it as a kidnapping. Under the laws of that state, as in Florida, when a child is born of unwed parents, it is the mother who has parental rights, not the father. The father can assert paternal rights only after a court orders that he is the legal father. The police, however, told her – sorry ma'am custody is a civil matter, you have to go to court. It was not and is not a civil matter, it is a crime for a parent to abduct a child.

I spoke with Tod on the phone yesterday. His former wife took their daughter out of the country without his knowledge or consent. They have court ordered shared parental responsibility and they have a Parenting Plan incorporated into their Final Judgment of Dissolution of Marriage. But, the mother took their eleven year old daughter out of the country anyway – all the way to Guam. Tod doesn't think they're coming back. So far law enforcement has refused to enforce the Child Pick Up Order, although it was signed by a Hillsborough County judge.

And another one – Marcus from Texas called me. His son is probably in Jacksonville, Florida; but may be with relatives in Boston. He's not sure. With the help of a private investigator he found a current address for his son's mother. Marcus, an unwed father, needs an Order of Paternity before he can hope to get child custody or visitation. He pays his child support though, every week it comes straight out of his check. Marcus will go to jail if he doesn't pay his support. For the past five years, not a single thing has happened to his ex for keeping Marcus' son from him.

And yet another. Joe pays child support for a son he has never seen. Joe discovered he was a dad months after his girlfriend left him. He dutifully sent in the DNA test which he paid for himself. An Order for Child Support went into effect. Joe learned the hard way that child support and visitation are separate. At the court hearing when Joe was ordered to pay child support, the Magistrate refused to listen to anything pertaining to custody or visitation. And so it goes.

And how are the children? You tell me. In a state, in a country, where as a matter of public policy we claim that it is in a child's best interest to have access to both parents – why is it so hard? Neither Adriana, Tod, Marcus, or Joe has been found by a court, or anyone else to be unfit parents. There are not even any allegations of unfitness against any of these parents. So why is it so hard? Why is it so hard for a supposedly civilized society to take care of the children? Are the children well? Nobody knows.